Caring for your parents (or older relatives) can be particularly difficult when the relationships are already strained. Past conflicts often surface, leading to frustration, anger, or hurt. Even in such a difficult situation, you do have choices.

First you need to decide how important it is to communicate with your parents. If you decide it's not important, work on ridding yourself of the guilt, sadness, or anger you may feel about your lack of communication. Remind yourself why a good relationship is impossible.

If you decide communicating with your parents is important, be prepared to feel a mixture of pain, anxiety, happiness, satisfaction, frustration, and sadness. Only you can change your own communication patterns. Mending relationships and changing communication patterns is not easy and may not always work out the way you hoped.

You may want to make significant changes in how you communicate with your parents, and they may not want to change their patterns at all. Accepting that you can control only what you are willing to change isn't easy, but necessary.

Past conflict is a part of any long-term relationship. Think about its importance in relation to your feelings about your parents. You must decide what to hold on to and what to throw away. A professional counselor can assist you in resolving some of the conflicting feelings you have about your parents.

Open, honest communication should be your goal. Most relationships reach this goal through hard work, perseverance, and love. If you and your parents can communicate, you will find it easier to support them as they grow older.