Are you depressed?

Well, maybe you are. But then again maybe you are just plain mad, dog tired and frazzled, stressed, and sad. Chances are you experience a combination of all these things throughout the course of an average day.

The life of a caregiver is fraught with instability and crisis. Tension is possibly the only stable factor in life. Under these circumstances, emotions become intensified and our healthy defenses begin to break down. Conflict and unresolved issues come to the front, creating further tension. When no resolution is found over an extended period of time, depression can set in. Depression falls into two broad categories: physiological and reactive.

A physiological depression is due to a chemical imbalance in the brain and may or may not be triggered by outside events. This type of depression often can be helped by medication. Symptoms of physiological depression include self doubt, guilt, feelings of worthlessness, withdrawal from the outside world, disturbed sleep patterns, and eating disorders.

During a reactive depression an individual reacts to an outside situation, feels helpless to change it, and consequently feels hopeless. This type of depression can be alleviated by a change in circumstances, attitude, or both, often with the help of good friends and a psychotherapist.

Then there is mourning. When a loved one dies, we sympathize with the family. We think of the symptoms as a temporary and necessary part of the mourning process. Memories must be conjured up and the loss incorporated and accepted into the bereaved person’s life.

Caregivers, however, are given no such leeway, since their loss is rarely recognized as such. The losses caregivers feel are rarely recognized. They live in a constant state of mourning.

To respond in a healthy manner to loss we must grieve and the grieving process can be blocked for caregivers. Feelings of loss, anger, and fear may be repressed because they have so much to do. Caregivers begin to reproach themselves for not coping, which brings them one step closer to depression.

Caregivers continually deal with loss and that requires mourning. Grieving is unavoidable. Sometimes sharing your feelings with your care receiver who is not mentally impaired and other family members can bring about a cooperative effort toward a good life built on realistic expectations and mutual acceptance of loss. The task of mourning is to part with the old and embrace the new and it takes time.

Portions of this Care Page are from "MainStay", a newsletter of WellSpouse Foundation.