Guilt has been called the gift that keeps giving. This is especially true for people giving care. Caregivers feel like they can never do enough. Or they can’t make their loved one happy and they should be able to do that. Or they think if they were strong enough, they could do the caring without feeling tired, stressed, and angry sometimes. Here are some ways to combat guilt and help you feel at peace with how you provide loving care for your family member.

1. List everything that is causing you to feel guilt or regret and specifically distinguish them as either guilt or regret. Regrets often get lumped in with guilt which makes them more difficult to deal with. Regrets are the things that you wish you had done or said such as; “I wish I had gotten her to the doctor sooner.” Guilt, on the other hand, is what you feel when you believe you’ve done something wrong. Such as having had a fight with your son just before he was in a car accident. See if there is something you can do about some of the guilt or regrets.

2. Remember past events in light of the stress and tiredness that were present. Remember you were doing your best under the circumstances. Don’t expect more strength from yourself now than what those earlier circumstances allowed.

3. Try to be objective about what happened. What advice would you give a friend if they were in your shoes?

4. Be prepared to forgive yourself.

5. Look for lessons to be gained from your guilt or regret -- things you can do that will make you a better person. As Mark Twain said, “The boy who carries a cat around by its tail learns a lesson that can be taught in no other way.”

6. Most importantly, don’t forget the good things you did and do in your caregiver relationship.