Caregivers experience some confusing and frightening emotions. What can you do? Consider the feelings some caregivers struggle with and the practical suggestions that have helped them cope:

Embarrassment. Occasionally, the behavior of a person who is ill may embarrass you in front of others. But explaining the nature of your loved one’s illness to friends and neighbors may help them understand and may also move them to show compassion and patience. If possible, talk to other families who are in a situation similar to yours. You may feel less embarrassed as you exchange experiences. A sense of humor on the part of your loved one and caregivers is a marvelous tool to ease jangled nerves.

Fear. Ignorance about the disease can be terribly frightening. If possible, seek professional advice on what to expect as the illness progresses. Learn how to provide care under those circumstances. Confront and control your fears. Fears of what might happen are often worse than the reality. Talking to others can help alleviate them.

Grief. It is not easy to deal with grief, particularly in your situation. You may grieve over the loss of companionship, especially if your loved one can no longer talk, understand clearly, or recognize you. Others may not readily understand such feelings. Talking about your grief to an understanding friend who will listen patiently and sympathetically can bring much needed relief.

Anger and Frustration. These are normal responses for caregivers who care for someone whose behavior may be difficult at times. Realize that it is often the disease, not the person, that is responsible for distressing behavior. Remind yourself that your loved one has an illness and cannot control all of their behaviors. This may help slow down your anger.

Guilt. Feelings of guilt are common among caregivers. Be assured, though, that you are performing an essential but very difficult job. Accept the fact that you will not always react perfectly in word and deed. Do not allow feelings of guilt to prevent you from taking positive action now. When you feel upset about something you have said or done, you will very likely find that saying “I’m sorry” will make you and your loved one feel better. Do the best you can under the circumstances.

Depression. Depression is very common and understandable in families coping with illness. Getting encouragement from others who understand can help. Appreciation from your family can help give you a boost to continue on when you are tired or depressed. If feelings of depression persist or become more severe, consult a doctor.

Helplessness. You may feel helpless in the face of a debilitating illness. Accept the reality of the situation. Acknowledge your limitations – your loved one’s health is not yours to control, but you can provide compassionate care. Don’t expect perfection of yourself, your loved one, or your supporters. A balanced approach not only eases the feelings of helplessness but also eases the workload. Learn to face one day at a time.