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Hmong Adult Children Need Support and Understanding in Caring For Elders

Three major issues that can make caring for your Hmong elders difficult:

· As adult children, you may not have sufficient time to care for your elders because of work, relying on two incomes. Then, your elders’ safety and well being during the day, when no one may be present to care for them, become issues of concern.
· Some elders may need more care beyond bare necessities due to serious illnesses.
· You may not feel equipped to care for an elderly family member because you have not had the proper training.

Here are some comments from Hmong adults who have elders who need their assistance:

“For me, we won’t have time to care for the elders. Our grandmother stays home with some grandchildren, even though she is very ill. The adults in the home are at work during the day. If they miss work, then they also miss money . . .. A single income will not support the entire family. They are our parents, but we must go to work everyday. Who will stay home to take care of them?”

“The medications that the doctors gave were numerous. If you lay them all on the table, there must have been fifteen pills. They said, “These two pills must be taken on this day; these three pills must be taken on that day; these need to be taken at 6 o’clock; these need to be taken at 7 o’clock. So you have a bowl of pills. The older a person becomes, the more pills he is given. Plus, they have to take the pills correctly. The elder doesn’t know how to do that . . .. The sons have to show them how to take their pills, but we haven’t learned how to do it either . . .. So we don’t know how to help our elders.”

In caring for elders, much more pressure is placed on the daughter-in-law, as illustrated by this gentleman’s comments:

“I think that we men say that we take care of our parents, but when it comes to really taking care of them, it is our wives who do the work.”

The following comments highlight the strong desire to reside with one’s children:
“I have taken care of many of my own children. Out of ten children, if one doesn’t take care of me, please, one care for me until I die. I don’t want to live by myself. I took care of many of them; their father passed away when they were all young. I suffered a great deal, but I didn’t die. Then I get old, I can’t get by on my own, and they bring me to live somewhere else—that disrespects me . . .. If at the point when they are grown and they can’t love me and I can’t do things on my own anymore, and if they have me live by myself, I would rather take my own life so I can’t feel a thing anymore."

Adult children echoed the seniors’ discussion about the importance of sons.
“We Hmong, a long time ago we had many spirits, so an elder cannot die in the home of another person if they are not of the same spirits. A daughter has married someone of another last name so she abides by the spirits of her husband’s family, so you cannot die in their home. If you die in their home, it offends their spirits . . .. So, even if the sons do not like the parents, they have to die in their home.”

“In Laos, when an elder is very ill, he or she cannot die in the daughter’s home. If the elder is very ill and on the verge of death, they bring a blanket and drape it over some sticks and bring the elder there to die.”

These stories begin to describe the difficulties that Hmong families face as elders age. Professional services may help relieve some of the tension and hardships. There are more Hmong working as professionals and others who are becoming sensitized about Hmong culture and needs. There are services developed and developing that can help support Hmong caregivers. Home care can help supplement the care a family can give. Day services can help get a Hmong senior more integrated in the community and spending time with other Hmong elders, sometimes sharing meals that are more traditional. Professionals are available to work with you to help solve some of the problems you face as a caregiver and the difficulties that are unique to your situation.

Excerpts from and modification of: New Country, New Home: Exploring Housing Preferences of Hmong Seniors, Focus Groups with Hmong Seniors and Adult Children, Aging Initiative, Minnesota Department of Human Services, April 2000. For the original publication, contact the Minnesota Department of Human Services, 444 Lafayette Road North, Saint Paul, MN 55155. Information Desk phone: 651-297-3933. www.dhs.state.mn.us

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