Care
Page Getting Help from Other Family and Clan Members
Often
the burden of caregiving in a Hmong family seems to fall on one person
– usually the eldest or the youngest son’s wife– and
the other offspring do very little. Ideally, you, your siblings, and your
parents should have a meeting to discuss the parents’ needs and
what each family member can do to help. It is useful to bring some information
about community resources to this meeting so that everyone understands
from the beginning that the family care plan will be supplemented with
help from others.
If you are the primary caregiver, make specific requests for assistance
from your siblings, family members and if you can, others from your clan.
Rather than: “Can’t someone take over for me once in a while?”
try “I need one weekend a month to myself. Who will fill in for
me with mother?” Or: “I want to have every Thursday free to
attend my exercise class. Can you help on that night or should we hire
help?” Before you ask for help, be sure you sincerely want it and
are willing to work out a cooperative plan. It’s natural to want
another person to provide care the same way you do, but if others’
attempts to help are met with criticism they may be reluctant to volunteer
in the future.
Be sure family/clan who live at a distance know that even phone calls
offering emotional support to your parents are a way to share the care.
They can also help immeasurably by relieving you completely for a week
or two at a time once or twice a year.
Your brothers and sisters and other relatives may not share your sense
of responsibility for your parents, at least not to the same degree that
may traditionally fall on you. Try to accept that and don't request help
in a blaming fashion. And remember, just because they can’t help
doesn't mean you must do it all. Decide how much you can do and then supplement
your resources with help from outside the family. You should not try to
do all the caregiving by yourself.
