Care Page
Hmong Expectations of CaregivingÑProfessionals can help

Being a Hmong Adult child who is a caregiver for a Hmong elder can be fraught with emotions since Hmong adult children must live up to many expectations placed upon them by their parents and by their community. The perspectives of some Hmong caregivers are described below and show some of the frustrations you may be facing. You must balance many activities in your lives with caring for your elders and sometimes caring for your own family, and maybe you are working too.

To Be a Good Son and Daughter-in-law
As you well know, Hmong adult children are often caught between what their community and their tradition tell them to provide for their parents and what is feasible for their lives in America. This struggle strains relationships with the elders you are obligated to care for. The Hmong community and tradition tell you that you owe a certain level of care to your parents or your marriage partner’s parents who provided for your needs when you were young. Yet in this country, you have to manage your life around childcare and employment, and fit elder care into this large context.

Certainly you and other Hmong adult children are experiencing life very differently than your parents did in Laos. You are exposed to different ideas about how to raise your own children, about self-sufficiency, and about options for elder care. However, recent studies revealed that there are ways that Hmong adult children can be more sensitive to the needs of Hmong elders, despite their busy schedules. They can be good sons and daughters-in-law by employing some basic principles regarding respect for elders. Hmong elders had this to say:

“The elders now know that their daughters-in-law are very busy. They don’t expect that meals will be ready on the table all the time. What they do expect is for their children to speak kindly to them. As they get older, they are very fragile.”

“Ask them to tell you what life was like for them when they were young. When you talk to them and they tell you these things, it makes them happy . . .. Or give them a ride to visit their friends or bring their friends to visit them so that they don’t get bored.”

“And when elders speak, you have to turn your ear to listen to see what they have to say so this makes them happy that even if they are old, you still listen to them; but if they talk and you don’t listen, if you ignore them, then it makes them angry so they don’t want to talk with you anymore.”

Sometimes a professional can help facilitate discussions between you and your elder parent. Professionals are becoming more sensitive to the importance of Hmong clan and family systems and other aspects of Hmong culture and hope to be a part of the support system that can help keep you feeling good about taking care of your elder parent while attending to everything else you have in your daily life. Perhaps there are programs that may assist with your life tasks or programs for Hmong that your elder may benefit from and accept. Call upon your local social service agency or e-mail us at DARTS and we’ll help you to locate agencies in your area.

Excerpts from and modification of: New Country, New Home: Exploring Housing Preferences of Hmong Seniors, Focus Groups with Hmong Seniors and Adult Children, Aging Initiative, Minnesota Department of Human Services, April 2000. For the original publication, contact the Minnesota Department of Human Services, 444 Lafayette Road North, Saint Paul, MN 55155. Information Desk phone: 651-297-3933. www.dhs.state.mn.us

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