Care Page Perspectives on Living Arrangements
Vary
Among Hmong Elders and Their Children
Participants in a Minnesota Department
of Human Services (DHS) focus group study of Hmong elders and adult
children thought the best place for elders is in their children’s
home, but they were cautious in making this recommendation. They emphasized
that harmony could be achieved in the home when the elders and their
children were able to get along. The harmony, however, was disrupted
when conflict arose in the family. When that occurred, they suggested
that the elders would be happier living away from their children with
other elders who could relate to them.
“If the children have an open mind
and can be patient, then it is all right for elders to live with
them; but, sometimes the son can do that and the daughter-in-law
can’t, so there’s conflict in their family.”
“
Elders are mature enough to know what is going on. But they insist
on living with their children, making them have problems. I don’t
want my parents to live with my wife and me to the point where we
argue—there will be arguments because we have to take care
of them. Sometimes, the husband would say to the wife, ‘You
have to take care of my mother.’ The husband and the wife won’t
get along; they want to divorce each other because the parents live
with them. Some elders understand that if they live with their children,
then it will cause them to not live a good life.”
“
Seniors act differently. They do not get along with us. We have many
children so they may not like that. . . . Perhaps, they go live in
an old people’s home. We don’t want them to live there,
but they don’t like us.”
“
I think what is best and what one thinks are different. What is best
is if seniors go live in a place that has 24-hour care. They are
our parents, but if we work and the children are at school, there
is no one to care for the elders. They might be hungry. You really
don’t want them to go, and the elders don’t want to go
either, but if you really look at it . . . . maybe it is better for
the children and for the seniors if they went to live in a place
where there is someone to provide care. . . . For example, my parents
are both in their eighties, but they are very capable; but when they
can’t get around anymore, if they live with us, there will
be problems because one of us has to leave our job. We won’t
have enough money to support the family. . . . According to what
one thinks, since they gave birth to us, then we should take care
of them until the day they die.”
Other Hmong feel quite differently. They
countered that the only appropriate places for seniors were in their
children’s homes. These individuals echoed the sentiment that
children must give back to their elders. To them, it was the only fair
and respectable gesture to offer elders.
“Like they say, elders have taken
care of us for so long, and at the point when they can no longer
get around, then we send them to some other place so that we don’t
have to care for them. Yes, we do work and don’t have time,
but if we put them in another place, the people there may not respect
a Hmong elder, and he or she will say, ‘They don’t see
the good I have done, and they treat me like this.’ This is
not fair to the elder. So, if there were people who could come to
the home, then the elder can remain at home and there is someone
to help when the children are not home.”
One woman gave a passionate plea for adult
children to take care of their elders:
“When our parents gave birth to
us, we didn’t know anything; we were just infants and they
took care of us . . .. When our parents can’t take care of
themselves we remove them to another place. I don’t think this
is right. Our parents took care of us, and we grew up to have our
own families. At that time, if our parents can no longer care for
themselves, then we have to do it . . . .it is like this according
to Hmong culture and tradition. Those who have parents, be patient,
and take care of them. They are with us only one life; they gave
birth to us only once. In their next life, they won’t be giving
birth to us.”
Excepts from and modification of: New Country,
New Home: Exploring Housing Preferences of Hmong Seniors, Focus Groups
with Hmong Seniors and Adult Children, Aging Initiative, Minnesota
Department of Human Services, April 2000. For the original publication,
contact the Minnesota Department of Human Services, 444 Lafayette Road
North, Saint Paul, MN 55155. Information Desk phone: 651-297-3933.
www.dhs.state.mn.us
