Some Hmong elders in a study expressed
that they felt that since they had taken care of their own children,
they deserved some rest. These elders showed little interest in living
with their children or caring for grandchildren.
“There are some people who do not
want to live with their sons and daughters-in-law because there are
too many children or they aren’t able to keep up with the housekeeping.
Some elders who live in our building are like that. They can’t
care for children anymore, can’t do housekeeping anymore, and
can’t do the dishes anymore. So they want to live on their
own so they have no worries.”
“
Some elders do not like children anymore and they keep having to
care for grandchildren and they can’t stand it." . . In
any case, it’s because the daughter-in-law doesn’t do
it, so everything falls on the mother and father-in-law.”
Although it is natural to assume that all
Hmong seniors delight in the thought of providing care for their grandchildren,
some seniors in a focus group study shared that some elders do not
relish that thought. Instead, some of them long for peace and quiet
and consider childcare a burden.
Role Reversal
In the last two decades, the Hmong has shifted from a community that
values the wisdom of the elders to one that needs the skills of the younger
generation in order to survive in this society. The role of elders has
taken on a symbolic nature and does not play an active part in decision-making
processes anymore. This shift causes tension in families and may cause
some elders to feel worthless.
One woman in the study shared the following story:
“If I say much, my children say, ‘don’t
yell so much. We have so many things to worry about. Old people don’t
know anything.’ So then I was quiet after that.”
Hmong elders can recall times when they
were the parents and had to take care of their children. Now, they
must rely on their children to support their families. Some seniors
understand the added pressures that employment puts on their children
on top of caring for their families. Others find it difficult to comprehend
the drastic changes in their children’s lives. The following
participant shared her views about role reversal in the Hmong community:
“Our children do love us but in
this country, things are different . . . In this country, when you
work, it depends on the hour so if you don’t know this, it
makes you angry and makes you sad. If you knew, then you would not
be angry or sad. When our children were young, we were their parents;
we fed them, we clothed them. They could only eat and had clothing
if we worked. In this country, even though we gave birth to them
[our children], we have become children—only if they find a
way can we eat . . . The door is there but if they don’t act
as a key we cannot open it. Their mouths are keys that open doors
so we can go through.”
Professional community service providers
can work to discover the feelings that Hmong families hold regarding
childcare. Many Hmong elders living alone become isolated and may benefit
from Hmong social activities and services that they may not have considered
if family were able to be more involved.
Excepts from and modification of: New Country, New Home: Exploring
Housing Preferences of Hmong Seniors, Focus Groups with Hmong Seniors
and Adult Children, Aging Initiative, Minnesota Department of Human Services,
April 2000. For the original publication, contact the Minnesota Department
of Human Services, 444 Lafayette Road North, Saint Paul, MN 55155. Information
Desk phone: 651-297-3933.www.dhs.state.mn.us
